


My Redemption

by perpetuallydreaming



Category: Batman: the dark knight, Joker - Fandom, The Dark Knight
Genre: Dark Knight, F/M, Joker (Heath Ledger) - Freeform, Joker - Freeform, Joker/Reader - Freeform, Joker/you - Freeform, Ledger!Joker, Ledger!Joker/Reader, Love, My Redemption, Reader-Insert, Romance, The Dark Knight - Freeform, reader - Freeform, you - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2018-09-12 08:32:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9064282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetuallydreaming/pseuds/perpetuallydreaming
Summary: The chaotic clown is out and about one night when suddenly he is the hero and teaching an evil-doer a little something about honor.(Y/N) was just a normal girl until one night changes everything.Does the Joker have a human side after all?Or is he really just as insane as he seems?"All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.That is how far the world is from where I am.One. Bad. Day." ~~~This is an un-beta'd story so there are likely small grammatical errors that I will do my best to catch before I post.I hope ya'll enjoy!Don't be afraid to leave me feedback!Link to my tumblr: https://keepgrindingwaywardsoul.tumblr.com/Link to my wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/LittleDarlinIMissYou





	1. Chapter 1 - Yours Chaotically

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings(Chapter 1): Typical violence and there is an implied almost sexual attack scene (not really described and never happens) so if that isn’t your thing skip paragraphs 2 and 3.
> 
> This is my first JokerxReader and I hope ya’ll like it! It will be a series and keep in mind I don’t have a beta for this at the moment so it is completely unedited so bare with me guys.
> 
> Link to my tumblr: https://keepgrindingwaywardsoul.tumblr.com/
> 
> Link to my wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/LittleDarlinIMissYou

The night was caliginous with an ominous feeling in the air like a thick smog. The streets were eerily quiet. Few people were out unlike usual, not even a hooker on a street corner, extremely odd for the weekend. I pull my black jacket tighter around me as if it would keep out the bad vibes penetrating the night with a vise grip. I regret the fact that I walk home from work at night and pick up my pace a bit. Only a few blocks away from my apartment, I rejoice to myself.

“Hey hot stuff, what’s a pretty little thing like yourself doing out on a night like this?” An obviously drunk man spoke, slurring his words as he stumbled out the alley way I was about to pass. My steps falter before I just try to walk around him, ignoring his comment.

“Hey! I’m talking to you!” He angrily spoke up while grabbing my arm hard enough to leave a bruise. Panic sky rocketed through my body. I could smell the alcohol coming off his breath in waves every time he spoke. The pungent smell alone making my stomach want to heave.

“Let me go!” I shout gathering my resolve while trying to yank my arm out of his strong grip. Unfortunately, his grip is too strong for me to pull out of and he pulls me into the alley and shoves me up against the rough, cold brick wall. My head makes a loud thud as it connects against the brick, making everything hazy. I then register the feel of the man’s large hands sliding up my sides, pulling my shirt up with it letting the cold air attack my skin.

“N-no.” I whimper out trying to remain conscious and pathetically fight against him.

“Now, now! That is hardly any way to treat a lady, don’t ya think?” A new voice speaks out, a maniacal laughter accompanying his rhetorical question. Suddenly the drunk man was ripped away from me and I slide down the cold, coarse brick exterior. I try to clear my head and stay aware of my surroundings as I sit on the frigid, wet ground. I hear the sound of flesh hitting flesh and bones cracking until suddenly everything is silent except for the sound of footsteps. I don’t register anything else until I feel a gloved hand underneath my chin, gently coaxing my head up. Losing the battle for consciousness fast I crack my eyes open to see who’s in front of me. My vision is fuzzy as I gaze upon the new stranger in front of me. I’m able to make out a pure white face with a vibrant red color where his mouth should be. I can’t fight the darkness enclosing on my vision any longer and close my eyes. The last thing I am able to register is the smell of gun powder and maybe gasoline that seemed to lightly be coming from the stranger in front of me. I try to whisper out a ‘thanks’ before I completely lose consciousness.

When I come to I am laying in my bed and the sun is peaking through the small gap between my curtains, lighting my room softly. I look towards the clock on my nightstand and it reads 11:35. _What the…How did I get home…What happened last night?!_ My mind instantly conjures up the last image it was able to capture. That white face…and the red! I hope he didn’t get hurt because of me, I think to myself worryingly. My hand automatically goes to the back of my head and that’s when I notice the bandage wrapped around my head and the dull pain echoing there. I try to recall the night’s events from the beginning. Scary drunk guy, brick wall, head, stranger, ground, glove, face…then nothing. The memories I could remember going through my head in flashes. I slowly moved to the edge of my bed and sit there for a moment trying to gather my scattered thoughts. I look towards my nightstand again and notice a glass of water, two pills, and a note that I hadn’t noticed before. I gingerly reached for the note and begin to read its contents.

_Angel,_

_There is water and pain reliever for the impending headache I’m assuming you’ll have._

_I’m sure you’re wondering how you got home and what happened._

_I checked your wallet for ID to find an address and I brought you home and wrapped your head. Might want to be more careful Doll, the streets aren’t filled with the most savory creatures at night._

_Yours chaotically,_

_J._

At least mystery guy had something to go by now. J. I wonder what that stands for… The dull pain in the back of my head is becoming more present and I reach for the pain reliever and down it with a drink of water. I slowly get up and move to dresser to get some fresh clothes to change into before I make my way into the kitchen to make something to eat and continue to try to make sense of everything.

I decided on a bowl of cereal since it was the easiest thing to make while my head was cruelly waging mutiny against me. Internally, I thanked J for thinking ahead for me and leaving behind the water and pain reliever at the ready for when I woke. Now if only I had gotten a better look at his face. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again and get to thank him. If it weren’t for him I don’t even want to think of what possibly could have happened. I put my now empty bowl in the sink and decided to lay back down for a couple of more hours before getting ready and heading back to work at the bar tonight.


	2. Chapter 2 - Reputation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to my tumblr: https://keepgrindingwaywardsoul.tumblr.com/
> 
> Link to my wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/LittleDarlinIMissYou
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoy this next chapter and I will have chapter three up as soon as my muse decides to wake up from it's food coma and pay me a visit!
> 
>  
> 
> All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.  
> That is how far the world is from where I am.   
> One. Bad. Day.

Just over a week later my head had finally given up its assault against me, but I haven’t given up on trying to figure out who this J character was. The past week has been completely ordinary and I haven’t seen or heard the drunk man or J since. It was as if nothing had ever happened. I closed up the bar and once again began my trek home. The streets were quiet, but not ominously so. I wrapped my jacket tighter around me to keep out the chill that threatened to seep into my bones given the chance. I was just passing the alley way that meant I was only a couple of blocks from home when I felt someone grab me and pull into the alleyway’s dark embrace. I immediately began struggling against the stranger’s grasp until I heard a crash. I looked ahead of my and saw a car had collided into the street light’s pole, wrapping its front end around the pole which is exactly where I would have been if I hadn’t been pulled into the alley. A drunk man then stumbled out of the vehicle before staggering towards the building closest to him where he finally collapsed against the rough exterior passing out.

“Doll, we’ve got to stop meeting up like this. I do have a reputation to uphold you know.” The man who had grabbed me spoke from behind softly into my ear. I could smell the light scent of gunpowder and gasoline. The grip on me loosened and that’s when I noticed the purple gloves on my arms. I slowly turned around to face my savoir. He wore a trench coat like purple jacket with a green vest and patterned dress shirt. I noticed the white face paint that covered the entirety of his face, red face paint not only covered his lips but what seemed to be scars creating a permanent smile on his face. He had black raccoon like eye makeup around his eyes but that didn’t distract me from his brown eyes that contained flecks of green in them. His hair was also a mix of dirty blonde and green but was also greasy, he definitely gave Severus Snape a run for his money in that department. The white face and red lips instantly jogged my memory of the blurry sight of the stranger that I had met in this same alley just over a week ago.

“J?” I said to him questioningly.

“The one and only, Angel.” He said as he took a small step backwards with his arms spreading out from his sides as if to display himself and give me a better look.

“Thanks for saving me…again.” I said to him a bit self-consciously. He then stared at me, his head tilted slightly sideways with a somewhat puzzled look on his face.

“You’re not afraid of me, are you?” He said questioningly yet almost as a statement also.

“Afraid of you? You saved my life, why would I be afraid of you?” I asked him. My mind instantly reminding me of the words he spoke softly into my ear after seeing the wreck I should have been squished by. _I do have a reputation to uphold you know._ “And what kind of reputation?” I added confused by exactly who my savior was exactly.

“One of anarchy and chaos. You really mean to tell me that you don’t recognize me Doll?”

“Where else should I recognize you from besides you saving me about a week ago?”

“It wasn’t necessarily saving you as much as it was teaching that guy a little honor.” He said with a smirk on his face, literally, not just the one painted there.

“And just now? I wouldn’t necessarily classify that as teaching anyone honor.” I told him coolly. His face changed from a smirk to an overall look of being impressed for a split second and then quickly regaining his sarcastic composure. If I had blinked I would have missed it.

“I’d be more careful around these parts at night, you never know who you may run into Doll, some aren’t to be trifled with.” He said to me moving close to my face and never breaking eye contact. I heard a screech of tires behind me and I turned to see a van pulled up outside the alley with Slaughter written on the side. I turned to look back at J and he was gone. I heard the van accelerate and barely caught a glimpse of it speeding away into the empty streets of Gotham.

What the hell was that? I thought to myself as I stood in the alley dumbfounded. I was shaken from my thoughts when I heard police sirens in the distance. I quickly made my way out of the alley and towards home. Everything that just happened in a matter of minutes playing over and over in my head. I made it to the place I called home and struggled with my keys in my shaking hands, adrenaline still pumping within my veins. As soon as I got the door open I closed it and leaned against it as I gathered my thoughts and tried to calm myself down. I made my way to the fridge for a water bottle and then walked over to my couch. I took a long drink of the cold liquid, trying to focus on something other than what just happened until I calmed down more. I turn on the T.V. thinking that the news would serve as a distraction, but oh how wrong I was. Immediately the screen contained his face with a caption that called him the Joker. I turned the volume up and listened intently to what the news anchor was saying.

How was it that the guy who saved me was also the same guy that killed a man and was going to kill more if Batman didn’t “take off his mask, and turn himself in.” How was he so caring to me but disregarded others’ lives as if they didn’t matter? It made no sense. What made me so special? How was he able to save me, twice now, right on time anyhow? I had so many questions and barely, if any, answers. His words from earlier started floating through my head and then I thought of the note. I ran to my room and pulled it out of it’s safe place in my dresser. _Some aren’t to be trifled with…_ I scanned the letter for what I was looking for until I found it: _the streets aren’t filled with the most savory creatures at night._ Was he referring to himself both times? I just couldn’t believe Joker and J was the same person. J was gentle and caring although admittedly a little odd or maybe eccentric was a better term, but Joker was a maniacal and twisted individual. I collapsed on my bed and mindlessly stared at my ceiling while my thoughts raced through my head. Before I knew it, the long night took its toll on me and unconsciousness graciously wrapped me in it’s warm embrace and I fell asleep.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3 - Scotch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.  
> That is how far the world is from where I am.  
> One. Bad. Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I updated ya'll!  
> Life has just been awful and busy,  
> but I do have a (very unedited, because I'm running on three hours of sleep, but did edit a bit as I went along) decnt sized chapter for ya'll!  
> I hope you enjoy it and I will try not to be so horrible at updating.  
> I lost my way a bit because it's been so long but was inspired so I'm going with it.

When I awoke the next day, I was well rested physically but my mind was more tired than when I fell asleep. I still couldn’t grasp how J and Joker were the same person, and I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to find out. I came to Gotham to get away from my screwed-up life and start anew, not get twisted up with a psychotic clown who obviously has a past. It was way too early for all this before coffee I thought to myself and decided to get up. I lazily made my way to the kitchen to make my morning brew, the aroma filling every inch of space in my relatively empty apartment. I grab my coffee cup and fill it before walking towards the window and waiting for the scalding liquid to cool so I could drink it and wake up more. I could see the late afternoon traffic making its way through downtown Gotham and all the people making their way to their next destination. I stared out my window without particularly looking at anything. Eventually my coffee became lukewarm, I shook my mind out of the fog it seemed to be lost in and began to drink it. Thoughts of J were tangled within my mind, unfortunately thoughts of this Joker character were also.

  
Frustrated, I decided that maybe a shower would wake me up a bit and hopefully calm my thoughts. Either way it was needed in order to get ready for work tonight. I sang along to some of my favorite songs of the nineties as I showered, my thoughts never calmed though. I got ready for work pulling on some ripped jeans, a tank top, and an old faded band t-shirt. I laced up my converse, pulled on my leather jacket, and said a silent prayer for work to go by uneventfully fast as I walked out the door.

  
Barely an hour into my shift and I can already tell it’s going to be a long night. The bar is more busy than usual and filled with demanding customers. The bar hasn’t been this loud or filled in the three months I’ve worked here. It also hasn’t been filled with such rude, skeevy guys either. I’m used to the awkward but harmless flirting, but the guys here tonight made me feel like I was constantly being undressed by someone’s stare.

  
Closer to closing time I shouted for last call and after waiting on the last guy I started wiping down the bar.  
“Long night?” I heard called out from the other end of the bar.

  
“You could say that.” I replied while taking a glimpse at the time, “if you want anything to drink speak now or forever hold your peace for the night.” I add before making my way down to him.

  
“I’ll take glass of scotch if you have it, Doll.”

  
“I started pouring the drink absent mindedly until the nickname made me look up at who I was serving. I was taken aback when I didn’t see what I was expecting. In that moment, I thought I was losing it and couldn’t wait to be home.

  
“Here ya go.” I say as I pass the glass to the man, our fingers brush each other and my eyes instantly flick to his. His chocolate brown orbs gaze into mine and it’s like time stops for a moment before the connection breaks from the clatter of a spilled drink on the section I was about to clean and I have to go back to wiping down the bar. I turn back around once I finish and the stranger is gone, his money under his empty glass. I take another look at the clock and kill the music to give people the hint to start filing out the door.  
I lock the door to the bar and begin to turn around when two cats chasing each other yowling and hissing. The cats, taking me off guard, make me jump. I held my hand against my chest as it slowly calms down to a normal rhythm. I begin the familiar trek home after I’m not so startled. As I approach my familiar alley, the one that keeps me more occupied than a weekly tv show, I hear a man, hos breath labored. I cautiously approached the alley, ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble. When my eyes fall upon a sight I wasn’t expecting.  
I was shocked still as I absorbed the details of the scene in front of me. Two men occupied the dark alley, one was dead sprawled across the ground, the other was leaning against the brick wall, grasping his side. As my mind processed the information I noticed the man that was leaning against the building was familiar. I’ll take a glass of scotch if you have it, Doll. The image of him earlier compared to what my eyes were staring at was a stark difference.

  
“J?” The solitary word escaped my mouth without permission from my stunned brain. Those warm brown eyes looked up at me with only little surprise and as soon as they did I dropped to my knees beside him.

“What happened?” I asked him concerned. Once again, his head tilts to the side and he looks at me inquisitively for a second before a grunt falls from his lips and he doubles over in an obvious wave of pain.

“Let’s get you out of here.” I say aloud to myself as I get to my feet and warp my arm around him to help him to his. He goes to push away from me as if he didn’t need my help and as soon as he does he begins to fall back down. I catch him before much of any progress is lost and keep a firm grip on him. I look up to him and he stares down into my eyes, a hardness that was in them for a moment melting away and being replaced by a wave of pain. I take a step and gently pull him forward, thanking my lucky stars that my apartment is close by.  
We make our way to my apartment building, through my apartment, and into my bathroom. J grips onto the door frame taking a moment of pause and I get a good look at his face since I found him in the alley. His face is white as a sheet, as though he was wearing his white make up, but I know he isn’t. He leans his back against the door frame and slowly slides down it. I move passed him and fully into my bathroom quickly grabbing two towels one that I drench in water and the other I left dry, I also grab the first aid kit I kept stashed under the sink.  
I dropped down next to him once again, this time wiping his face with the wet wash cloth. His once heavy, labored breathing is now coming in short, almost quiet breaths.

“Maybe I should get you to a hospital...” I thought out loud, but quietly to myself. Lightning fast after my thought, his hand gripped m wrist with strength I didn’t think he was capable of in this condition. I had glanced down when his bloody hand gripped my wrist, and just as quickly my eyes flashed back to his.

“No hospital.” He rasped out the two words. I nodded my head in agreement to him and his hand gripped my wrist tighter as another wave of pain rocked through his body. I could tell he was trying not to crush my wrist with his grip, although he tried the pain in my wrist begged him to let go but I focused on the blood coming out of his side more freely without pressure on it anymore. The dry towel in my hand immediately reached to his side and put pressure on it. I pulled the wrist he still had a hold of towards the side and used that hand to hold the towel onto his side, I then coaxed his hand to let go and help hold the towel there.

I crouched in front of him and opened the first aid kit pulling out iodine, rubbing alcohol, and stitches kit from when I was interested in the medical field. I held the side of his face in hand for a second to get his attention and his eyes opened and drifted towards me.

“This is probably gonna hurt, a lot, but I’m gonna get you fixed up.” I warn and reassure him. He smirks before replying, “I don’t feel pain Angel, just chaos” trails off as his eyes close, and I take that as a sign to move quickly. I open his shirt and pour the iodine and rubbing alcohol on his wound. A wound that was a slash that was concerning but it didn’t seem as if anything fatal like an artery was harmed, but also a shallow puncture, as if someone had attempted to stab him but for whatever reason, wasn’t successful. I tear apart the stitches kit and set to work on closing the most concerning of the two wounds. About twenty to thirty minutes later I struggle on wrapping his mid-section with gauze, but manage to accomplish the slightly difficult task. I stand up and stretch my back and arms and walk to the sink and lean against it to soak in everything that just happened. I turn around and begin to wash my arms and hands of their red stains. I walk into my bedroom and look for a baggy shirt that might work for him. After finding one I set it on the night stand, then I face my next challenge of moving him to my bed. This endeavor was a lot tougher without his cooperation of consciousness last time, and after a bit of struggling, I manage to get him to my bed. I peeked under the gauze to bed sure I didn’t rip a stitch in the process, and breathed a sigh of relief when I see that they all remained intact. Exhausted, I stripped off my t-shirt and threw it across the room and did the same with my jeans. I pulled on a pair of shorts and wrapped a throw I kept on the couch and sat up against my head board as comfily as I could in my bed beside him. So exhausted in fact that it seemed like I didn’t even close my eyes before I fell asleep, with the final though running thought my head, how did he get all those scars?


	4. Chapter 4 - His Enigma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.  
> That is how far the world is from where I am.  
> One. Bad. Day.”

When I woke J was above me with his hands on my shoulders.

“You okay there, Doll?” J asked in a quiet, raspy drawl. 

“Uhm, yeah. Uh, how are you feeling?” I rasp out, my voice still thick with sleep.

He gave me what was becoming his signature head tilt. He looked at me quizzically and licked his lips before saying, “you were thrashing about quite a bit there.” He continued looking at me like he was trying to figure me out, and completely ignoring my question. 

“Just a bad recurring dream, nothing I can’t handle. Now let me look at your stitches.” I say to him already maneuvering to look at his stitches before he could pull away and stop me. The instant my hand touched his side his entire body froze, tense. If I hadn’t been paying attention I wouldn’t have noticed the slight flinch. My eyes darted up to his, and his expression was almost unreadable. I could see a bit of shock, and uneasiness. I then proceeded, albeit slowly, to check on his newly acquired wound. I carefully pulled back the bandage noticing it was sticking to the wound a little, without looking I reached for the Neosporin I had mindlessly placed on the night stand before passing out. I then carefully applied it to his wound before changing the gauze pad underneath the wrapping and placing the wrapping back into its previous position. 

“Looks like you made it through the night without ripping any stitches, and it looks a lot better than it did last night.” I spoke quietly as if not to spook him from his eerily quiet stillness. I went to get up and throw away the old gauze pad when he gently grabbed my arm getting my attention, I looked up at him and his face was stunningly close to my own. He leaned in slowly and brushed his lips against my cheek, this time I was the one frozen still.

“Thank you.” He whispered in my ear before pulling away. I averted my gaze, a rush of heat flooding my face. I mumbled out a no problem before waking to the mini trash can in the corner and throwing out the gauze. I turn around walking to the door and throw on the oversized hoodie I have dangling from the corner of it. I finally face him and notice his lingering stare. 

“Uhm, are you hungry? I have coffee if you don’t eat breakfast.” I ask him quietly.

“Famished.” He told me, his voice just a bit louder than mine. A bit of lust flashed in his eyes, but I could have sworn there may have been a bit of admiration there also. 

“So, J...” I begin as I start cooking breakfast, the coffee percolating in the background. 

“Yes Doll?” He drawled out while getting a look around my sparse apartment. 

“Wanna play twenty questions? I find that’s the easiest way to get to know someone. You can go first if you want.” He looked up at me, tilting his head yet again. The man was going to get an awful kink in his neck if he kept that up.

“Do you know who I am?” He asked, still looking at me quizzically, yet also amused.

“Yes.” I simply responded.

“And?” he questioned. Obviously not satisfied with my unelaborated answer, or the lack of disdain or horror that I assumed he was used to getting.

“Nope, one question at a time. My turn. What’s your real name?” This time he stared at me dumbfounded, but only for a second. 

“Jack.” He said, paying me back for my one word answer I gave him earlier. 

“Elaborate on my first question.” He asked. I took a moment of pause to collect my thoughts and form my answer. I plated the eggs I made with a bagel on the side and handed a plate to him and walked over to the couch to sit, eat, and talk.

“Well, to start with you’re the man who saved me in the alley and brought me home. You saved me twice actually. From the brief few times I’ve used my t.v. to distract me, I’ve also gathered that you’re the Joker character that throws the town into chaos on a semi frequent basis. Most people wouldn’t think you could be both, but I’ve observed it and I can’t just think you’re one or the other. If I neglect one side of who you are, I’m doing you, and myself, a disservice. Therefore, right now, I’ve just decided to think of you as a dark knight rather than my savior, or the villain the town think of you as.” I avoided his eye contact during my answer, choosing instead to look out the window so I don’t loose my train of thought. I could feel his eyes drilling a hole in my head and finally decided to look at him.

“You know, if you keep tilting your head like that every time I say something you’re going to need to see a chiropractor.” I tell him, and he chuckles in return. His laughter was musical this time around instead of the maniacal laugh everyone often hears on their television screens.

“Ya know Doll, you’re quite the enigma.”

“Thanks, I think,” I say as I tuck my hair behind my ear that has fallen in front of my face, “I think it’s my turn to ask a question. What caused you to be the Joker?” I look closely at him while worrying my lip between my teeth. I know this question could change the tone of the conversation, or even end it, but I have to know why there are two conflicting sides to this man. More importantly, why was I worth breaking his norm?

“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That is how far the world is from where I am. One. Bad. Day.” He speaks in a clipped tone. He gets up and starts pacing before settling for standing in front of my window.

“What was your nightmare about?” he asked me while still staring out the window.

“I used to have a little sister. She had blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and the most contagious smile I’ve ever seen. One day, a couple kidnapped her. Our dad was drunk and didn’t pick her up from school on time. We couldn’t find her for years. That was until one day across the state there was a car accident. A man driving recklessly hit a patch of ice and lost control of the vehicle. Him and his girlfriend survived, but the little girl riding with them didn’t.” By now Jack had turned around from the window and was looking at me. A bit of sadness and understanding taking residence in his eyes. 

“Every night since, I have this recurring dream. It starts out different, but the ending is always the same. No matter how hard I try, I can’t save her.” Jack now comes over and sits in front of me. His movement are carefully slow. He raises his hand up to my face, and it was then, when he wiped the tears from my face that I realized I had been crying.

“It’s why I moved here actually. I had to get away from it all. From everything, every memory. I couldn’t take it anymore, I thought I was going to go crazy. That I was going crazy. I figured a fresh start where no one knew me, and where nothing held a memory, would give me a fresh start. It worked a little. Took the edge off, but I couldn’t shake the nightmares. I still haven’t, but last night wasn’t as bad.” I trailed off. Biting my lip in order to gain control of my thoughts and emotions. It was the first time I told someone about my nightmares, let alone their cause. I distracted myself by picking up our empty plates and making my way to the coffee. I poured a mug for each of us, fixing mine the way I like it and setting the cream and sugar next to his. I didn’t hear him walk up behind me, but I could feel is presence. His warmth radiated off his body. I slowly turned around so as not to bump into to him and leaned against the counter. His warm brown eyes stared down into mine. 

“Why are you so surprised by me?” I ask him, getting my mind of my emotions and back onto him.

“I’m used to people running in fear when they see me, or looking at me in disgust. You didn’t. I guess you’re just my enigma, Doll. And I plan on figuring you out.”

“Good luck, my dad, ex-boyfriend, and three therapists couldn’t.” I reply before taking a sip of my coffee.

“Good thing I love a challenge then.” He said quietly, a playful look in his eyes.


	5. Fragile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.  
> That is how far the world is from where I am.  
> One. Bad. Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an unbeta'd, unedited fic so please bear with me on any mistakes! I hope y'all enjoy!

That playful look vanished when we were interrupted with a raucous banging on my door. I held up a finger to him to tell him to wait a minute as I ran to the door to see who could have been threatening its hinges. I unlocked the door and deadbolt but left the chain in place to keep the door from opening fully.

“Mr. Zollner! I wasn’t expecting you ‘til next week to collect the rent, is everything alright?” I said blocking his small view inside. The man reeked of stale cigarettes and cheap liquor.

“There’s blood outside your door and one of my tenants said it came from a roughed-up, unconscious guy you brought up last night! And I don’t know what kind of place you think I’m running here but I won’t have fugitives harbored under my roof!” The irate man screamed, spit being projected on certain consonants. The hypocrisy of his words as thick as the liquor reeking from his breath considering he had a drug dealer living right down the hall from her.

“I’m sorry sir, I’ll get it cleaned up right away, and he’s a patron from last night. He got hurt protecting me actually, but I’ll keep the blood from happening again.” I told the man trying to placate him, if only slightly. Luckily, it worked, and the man calmed slightly and huffed before saying that it better not before walking away. I closed my door reinserting the deadbolt into its rightful place. I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I was holding before I turned around, but I was only faced with an empty room.

“Jack?” I called out only loud enough to be heard within my apartment while heading towards my bedroom. I walked in the room to see the window open. I walked over to close it until I saw Jack laying on the fire-escape.

“Jack!” I stumbled through my window to help him up.

“Hey Doll, I think you spoke too soon about ripping a stitch.” He said with a bit of humor in his voice. I rolled my eyes while letting out a chuckle and I helped him stand up.

“Okay wise guy, lets get you fixed up, _again_.”

I could feel him looking down at me as I directed him back towards my window into my bedroom and to my bathroom. I had him remain standing as he leaned against my sinks ledge and I listed the shirt before he could say a word. He froze again but it was even less noticeable than the time before. I carefully removed the gauze and began to re-stitch the now irritated wound.

“I believe it’s my turn to ask a question Doll.”

“Go ahead.” I say concentrating on the task at hand. He was quiet for a moment before he spoke softly as not to spook me.

“How old was she?” His question unleashing an emotional tidal wave inside me.

“Eight when she was taken, eleven when she died.” I say trying to switch my brain to autopilot to keep myself from getting sucked into the tsunami of emotions.

“What’s different about me? I mean I barely know you, but I can tell that you don’t let people get close to you, let alone touch you. And from that I can assume that you don’t rescue damsels in distress often. Why me?” I ask him while I finish his final stitch before looking him in his whiskey-gold eyes to await his answer.

“At first I had no idea. I heard your scream and that cocky, loud mouthed- sonuvabitch, and at first, I was gonna beat him and then maybe kidnap you for ransom to be honest, but...but I walked up to you and looked into your eyes and something changed. When I rescued you the second time it was pure happenstance, I had planned on avoiding you if at all possible. That didn’t last long obviously. After I ran into you the second time I figured it was fate and sought you out last night. Then that sonuvabitch got the jump on me. You’re special Doll.”

“But-” He interrupted me anticipating what I was going to say and I began replacing the gauze.

“Nope, it’s my turn for a question. Why haven’t you ran? You’ve had a multitude of opportunities to either run away or get me hauled away, instead you’ve stayed, stitched me up, hid me and defended me. Why?”

“You’re not all you appear to be, and you’ve saved me twice now, I’m pretty sure it would be pretty rude of me to leave you to get infected from that alley. Besides, I tend to treat people how I would want to be treated, whether it is in my best interest or not. And there’s just something different about you, you’re special.” I answered, quoting him coyly. His golden orbs looked down at me miffed, but humored. We stood there in silence for a moment before he spoke.

“It’s getting pretty late in the day now Doll, don’t you have to get ready for work?” He spoke softly. Unfortunately, he was right, and I told him so too as I walked into my room to grab a change of clothes. Jack went into my room and took a look at the bare walls before heading towards my stacks of book and vinyl’s. I closed the bathroom door behind me before taking the quickest shower of my life and getting ready for work.

My thoughts, no matter how hard I tried, kept drifting towards the strange man in my room. As much as he thinks I am his enigma I can’t help but think that he is mine as well. I knew it was incredibly dangerous to get involved with him, but I couldn’t help but feel as if we were at least some kind of kindred spirits. I recognized the pain that would occasionally surface behind his eyes when his carefully placed mask would slip. It must have been the same look I would carry on my face after my little sister died. The raw hurt that transformed to being deadened from feeling anything but that inferno of pain.

I wiped the steam from the mirror after I got out of the shower, brushing my teeth and hair as my thoughts continued to wander. As soon as I was decent I walked out of my bathroom to find a pair of socks that I forgot to grab. I stopped dead in my tracks as I heard the old record player playing her song. The soft sound of each chord plucked on the guitar was another stab into my heart. I was frozen in place. Jack didn’t even notice me come out at first, but he must have noticed that the water had stopped running because he looked in my direction. As soon as his warm eyes made contact with mine he must have seen that something was wrong and stopped the record player before slowly making his way to me. As if he was scared that moving to fast would spook me into running like a frightened deer.

“Doll?” He whispered as he placed his hands on my upper arms trying to comfort me, but to also keep me from running.

“Th-that was her favorite song.” I said with my voice stumbling over the lump in my throat. He nodded with a knowing look in his eyes. Before either him or I could question it he pulled me into his chest. It was brief, just long enough to be comforting and allow me to gather my composure without feeling his eyes on me. When we took a step back, I knew we were both a little surprised that it had happened. I turned around and gathered my bag hanging off the corner of my door along with my leather jacket.

“Feel free to raid the fridge, I’ll be back.” I said turning around before walking out my bedroom door, and then my apartment. My leather jacket acting not only to keep out the bitter cold air as I made my way to the bar, but as an armor for my fragile emotional state.


End file.
